4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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