i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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