My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
