every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize