I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Randomize
