So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Your cock deserves a montage
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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