YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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