16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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