Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
