Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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