I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
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