WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
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Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
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She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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