I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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