he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
