new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
