MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
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