how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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