Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
