He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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