my phone needs a breathalizer
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
We got so high we made milksteak
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Randomize
