If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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