I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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