You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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