I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
