Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
