i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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