Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
