Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize