we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
the room spins SO much faster in panama
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
