wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
