Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
