I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
