I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
