i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
