So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
