Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
i now understand why vodka
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
