I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
