He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
