Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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