it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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