:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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