Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
