im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
