When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
