Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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