i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
zippers are such a cool invention
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
