my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
