He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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