Who did Billy Mays play for?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
