he puts the penis in happiness.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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