Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
