I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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