In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
