At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
