I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
