If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
