Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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