you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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