I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
