I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Randomize
