I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I'm having to shit out rocks
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
