Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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