big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
