you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
