Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Four minutes until I can fart!
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
