Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
