i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
