I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
