I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
