Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
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i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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