White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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