it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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