U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
