so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
