I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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