Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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