At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
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