mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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