I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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