Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
