I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
