Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
