just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
